The Coaching Through Chaos Podcast – Check it out!

 

 

 

I launched the Coaching Through Chaos Podcast – Bringing You what you need to Succeed in June on CoachingThroughChaos.com and on Bloomberg Radio 1110AM KTEK Houston’s Priceofbusiness.com.

The show is designed to bring you information and resources to empower you, educate you and enhance your life.  Once a month I’m going to a feature a resource specific for our Veterans and their families.  The episodes are 30 minutes long & launch each Tuesday along with an article on the subject on CoachingThroughChaos.com.

Guest line up so far:

Dr. Mark Wiederhold of the Virtual Reality Medical Center

Dr. Harry Haroutunian, the Physician Director of the Betty Ford Center

Darlene Lancer, LMFT, author of “Codependency for Dummies”

Ret. Detective Mike Proctor, expert/author of “Antidote for a Stalker”

Andrew Chang, Managing Partner of Eastern Foundry talking about their Foundry Cup competition for new tech to help our veterans with PTSD

Amy Morin, LCSW, best-selling author of “13 Things Mentally Strong People Don’t Do”

Jeff Motske, CFP, radio host & author of “The Couples Guide to Financial Compatibility”

Melanie Notkin, best-selling author,entrepreneur talking about her book, “Otherhood“.

Stewart Levine, expert/author of “Getting to Resolution”

Sasha Ginsberg, LCSW talking about mental wellness treatment at Westside DBT.

Shelly Davidescu, LMFT, therapist and entrepreneur talking about her Clean Forks program for female entrepreneurs.

Vahakn Matossian talking about the developments at HumanInstruments.co.uk and how they are making a difference in physically-challenged musicians lives.

The developers of the PocketLabApp bringing new ways for therapists to help their clients through their iphone.

 

If you want to follow me between episodes, please sign up for my mailing list at CoachingThroughChaos.com/podcast.  As a thank you for signing up, you’ll receive a FREE download of my ebook, “5 Ways: 100 Tips for Living a Happier, Healthier Life“.

If you have  ideas for guests, or if there’s a guest you’d like to hear from, let me know. I’m happy to take your suggestions.

If you know someone who continues to struggle with the same emotional mistakes over and over – whether it’s work, relationship or addiction problems, or depression, anxiety or past trauma gets in the way of them living a more fulfilling life, please send them the link to CoachingThroughChaos.com – we’d like to help 🙂

Colleen Mullen, Psy.D., LMFT

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Seizing opportunities!!

Check me out on Sherry Gaba’s website.  Sherry is the therapist on “Celebrity Rehab with Dr. Drew”.  This was the very first blog post I ever wrote! Thanks Sherry for the opportunity!

Colleen

http://www.sherrygaba.com/blog/accepting-fear-to-find-success-by-colleen-mullen-psy.d.-lmft

 

Disclaimer

As with many sites by licensed professionals in their fields, although I am licensed to practice psychotherapy in California, this blog is meant to be informative and provide you with information & helpful tips.  It is NOT meant as professional advice to you, nor is it meant as a substitution for actually going to psychotherapy/coaching to help with problems you may be having.  Please seek out the proper professional in your area to help you with your struggles.

Warning SIgns of Depression

This chart was re-worked for American audiences y CoachingThroughChaos.com the original was produced by UK program StudentsAgainstDepression.org 

To find out more, visit CoachingThroughChaos.com

April is Alcohol Awareness Month

Every year the National Council on Alcoholism and Drug Dependence, Inc. (NCADD) sponsors Alcohol Awareness Month.  It’s a time they dedicate to increase public awareness of the signs of alcohol problems and to decrease public stigma regarding those problems and getting help.

The following are some general signs of alcohol use problems:

1.  Alcohol is used in effort to decrease stress/anxiety or in response to an argument.

2.  Alcohol is consumed on a daily basis

3.  The drinker has experienced blackouts (memory loss).

4.  The drinker has had a drink to get over a hangover

5.  The drinker’s friends have been concerned about their behavior when they drink

6.  The alcohol has been part of the problems in the drinker’s relationship (i.e. having arguments with a partner while he/she is drinking).

I’ve spent the bulk of my career working to help people get recovery and live healthy lives free of drug and alcohol dependence. If you know someone who you think needs help, I’d love to talk to you or them to help decide how to embark on their path to recovery.  It is not an easy journey, but it is definitely worth the effort.  Sometimes a person needs any combination of support services to help them succeed at their goal. Seeking help is often a courageous first step towards recovery. A call is all it takes to get started.  I can be reached at (619) 702-5571.  If you/your friend needs more than outpatient therapy, I’m happy to connect them to more intensive services in their area.

Thank you – & Best wishes for success to you!

CoachingThroughChaos.com

A new Drug Czar with a (hoepfully) new perspective

The current government dir. of the Office of National Drug Control Policy (ONDCP) or the “Drug Czar” is a person with “real life” experience in the recovery world both as a person in recovery and one who dedicated their life to helping others get recovery.  His appointment as the new Dir of ONDCP may bring a new perspective to “the war on drugs”.  Past Czars have had military &/or political backgrounds, so we may be on the verge of a new perspective in fighting the drug epidemic in this country.

I don’t believe a person has to be an “addict in recovery” in order to help those find their recovery, but I do believe that fresh eyes looking at problems may bring fresh solutions.

http://www.themalaymailonline.com/opinion/new-york-times/article/a-drug-cazr-who-knows-addiction-firsthand-alan-schwarz

The Story of Cranky Carl and Passive-Aggressive Patty!

In the field of relationship psychology, we absolutely know that one partners’ behavior does affect how the partner interacts with them.  When one person in the relationship is perpetually negative, it can have dire consequences on said relationship.  Contemporary research in the field of relationship satisfaction has demonstrated that there are some key factors that play into negativity flourishing in a relationship.  When couples interact with defensiveness, contempt, criticism and “stonewalling” (Gottman) there is a very high correlation with relationship failure.  The dynamic often appears when one person has a negative approach to communication on a regular basis.  For this example, I will tell the story of Cranky Carl and his wife Supportive Sally………

In the beginning of this relationship, Cranky Carl played along to Supportive Sally’s requests for “date nights” and social gatherings with their friends because he was courting her.  Supportive Sally always knew that social outings weren’t her partner’s “thing” but she appreciated that he made the effort.  One they married, Cranky Carl began to change their relationship  dynamic.  He began refusing to attend the social gatherings and when Supportive sally would request a date night, he would complain and give her a hard time about the “need” for a date and about the choices of the restaurants.  At first, Supportive Sally tried to hear and heed her husband’s complaints, so they would only go out every few months, but over time, she stopped asking him.  The conversation that took place when Supportive Sally wanted to have a date night with Cranky Carl were so emotionally exhausting, she found it easier to stuff away her emotional needs and not ask, than to go through the turmoil just to have a date night! After about a year of this dynamic of Cranky Carl dismissing Supportive Sally’s needs, Supportive Sally went through “The Change” – she begins to think differently – not always so concerned about acquiescing to her husband’s complaints, but still not asserting herself – she morphs into Passive-Aggressive Patty!  Passive-Aggressive Patty is contemptuous and resentful.  She feels misled by Cranky Carl because he used to do things with her and now he won’t even try to play along with her.  Passive-Aggressive Patty now finds other people to go out with – sometimes she flaunts it in Cranky Carl’s face to try to get a reaction out of him, but more so than not, she just tells him, “ill be home late tonight. There’s stuff to make dinner in the fridge”.  Passive-Aggressive Patty starts to think maybe someone else would like to take her on a date and that Cranky Carl wouldn’t even care 😦

This dynamic is not uncommon when people are not clear with each other about their emotional needs.  Often when people get together, they are one their best behavior and do as these 2 did and played along for the sake of wooing and courting each other.  Most couples have differences in their likes and dislikes in their environments – these are not relationship killers.  The relationship killers appear when they stop expressing themselves appropriately and instead communicate through criticism, contempt, defensiveness and stonewalling.  In this example, Cranky Carl would complain and criticize Supportive Sally’s choices of date places or her friends as a way of getting out of having to go with her.  In turn, Supportive Saly began to feel resentment and contempt and her behavior was then fueled by her alter ego Passive-Aggressive Patty.  Once this dynamic takes hold, neither partner is getting their emotional needs met and the interaction becomes toxic.

If you recognize this in your relationship, feel free to contact me through CoachingThroughChaos.com

Be good to yourself

CoachingThroughChaos.com Motivation, Achievement and Recovery Coaching.  Dr. Colleen Mullen, Psy.D., LMFT. Psychotherapy, Marital and Relationship Counseling and Life Coaching in San Diego

Silence Breaks the Heart

Be careful of how you use your words.  Words can make or break relationships.  I specialize in helping couples communicate their needs effectively and respectfully.  I’d love to share this with you! Please contact me through my website CoachinThroughChaos.com Motivation, Achievement and Recovery Coaching.  Dr. Colleen Mullen, Psy.,D., LMFT. Psychotherapy, Marital and Relationship Counseling and Life Coaching in San Diego.

Relationship is an art.

I practice a specific type of Relationship Coaching that helps couples design their dreams together.  I’d love to share with you about this. Please contact me through my website CoachingThroughChaos.com Motivation, Achievement and Recovery Coaching.  Dr. Colleen Mullen, Psy.D., LMFT. Psychotherapy and Coaching in San Diego.

Do you know Mature Love?

Do you ever look back at a relationship and think, “I thought I loved them, but now I don’t think I did.”  This can be because you mistook need for love.  We often “need” the person we pair up for various reasons: they meet some needs, they are familiar to us, they help support us (in various ways).  It is tough to separate that “need” from love.  But when we can be our own, developed, mature, autonomous persons and truly love a person, then we “need” them becuase we love them, not vice versa.

If you would like to know more about this, give me a call at (619) 702-5571 or email me through my website at CoachingThroughChaos.com  Motivation, Achievement and Recovery Coaching- I specialize in helping individuals and couples have healthy relationships with themselves…and with their chosen partners.

Dr. Colleen Mullen, Psy.D., LMFT

Psychotherapy and Coaching in San Diego

Sometimes we just need to be alone. It’s O.K. :)

I went hiking the other day at Red Rock Canyon during a weekend away visiting friends in Las Vegas. One of my favorite things to do is to go hiking by myself. It makes me feel at peace, I feel more centered, and I end up feeling like I listened to my own need for silent connection with nature.

It was while on this hike, that I got reminded that our society tells us it’s not O.K. to do things alone. Being that I am a therapist/coach by profession and I live with my husband and several animals, I rarely get time alone. This weekend away was to celebrate a friend’s birthday. I arrived in Las Vegas on Friday and met up with said friend and family. On Saturday morning I wanted to get out a do a decent-length quiet hike before all the birthday festivities began  – I was looking forward to taking in the desert air and scenery. The Red Rock Canyon has a 13-mile through road which has multiple trail heads along it. I purposely went to the visitor center to find out which trails may be less populated. I was instructed to head out to Ice Box Canyon trail head about 8 miles up the road. As I drove father away from the visitor center, I did find that the parking lots at the trail heads were less populated. I was excited to think I may be heading to one where I really could feel somewhat isolated.

According to the visitor guide, the hike was to take about 2.5 hours and be of “moderate” difficulty. Sounded great to me! I had water and a charged up phone packed in my bag. I was ready to go! I was about 20 minutes into the hike when I came across a group of people who were on their way back to the trailhead. I said, “Hello”, in passing and moved out of the way for the group to get past me. One of the ladies asked me, “Are you by yourself?” When I told her I was, she let out a sympathetic, “Awwww!” I let her know I was out there alone by choice and was enjoying the quiet and continued on with my hike. About another 20 minutes pass by and I get to a section of the trail with some more difficult rocks to step/climb up and over. I ran into a party of 3 at this juncture. Again, one of the ladies in the group commented to me during a quick verbal exchange, “I wouldn’t come out here alone”. I again, assured her I actually looked forward to this experience and went about my business. It was about 10 minutes later that I came across some rocks that I did not want to venture up and over without help, so I turned around at that point and began my hike back to the starting point.

Both of these exchanges had me thinking as I hiked about our society’s attitudes about being alone. I be no means am a “loner” or even an “introvert”. In fact, I love social interaction and get plenty of it. I do however, enjoy some quiet times alone. Exercise is one of my regular ways to get that fill and when I have time, I love to find local hikes to try by myself. As a therapist, I talk frequently with my clients about finding time for themselves, often framed as “self-care” time. I explore with my clients ways in which they can take some time alone to regroup and touch base with themselves. For some, this can be finding time for a 5-minute mediation in the morning, or carving out 15 minutes during their work day to break away from all the “noise”. On bigger levels, I help them discover what their needs are for personal time alone from others and help them plan that into their life. I think people understand that concept of “me time” or even “self-care” time, but I think something shifts when people think about doing activities alone. I also enjoy beaches, coffee houses (for quiet people-watching) and movies alone, but exercise feeds a lot of my emotional and spiritual needs so I tend to engage in that more frequently. For some, the 2 hour hike I embark on may be the equivalent of getting a massage and their nails done. Which, I assume if the same woman who gave me the sympathetic “Awwww!” in passing on the trail had actually crossed my path at the massage appointment; I don’t think she would have asked me why I went there alone. 

Do you listen to your need for quiet when it calls? How do you connect with yourself when you need to? Feel free to leave a comment! I’d love to hear about what you do when you need to be alone.
P.S. I recognize that hiking alone can be dangerous. Please note that I take appropriate precautions, but I try not to live my life from a fear-driven perspective. No therapists were injured in the data-collection of this blog post 

CoachingThroughChaos.com Motivation, Achievement and Recovery Coaching

Psychotherapy and Coaching in San Diego, CA.

Colleen Mullen, Psy.D. LMFT