Be careful of how you use your words. Words can make or break relationships. I specialize in helping couples communicate their needs effectively and respectfully. I’d love to share this with you! Please contact me through my website CoachinThroughChaos.com Motivation, Achievement and Recovery Coaching. Dr. Colleen Mullen, Psy.,D., LMFT. Psychotherapy, Marital and Relationship Counseling and Life Coaching in San Diego.
Archive for the ‘Relationships’ Category
I practice a specific type of Relationship Coaching that helps couples design their dreams together. I’d love to share with you about this. Please contact me through my website CoachingThroughChaos.com Motivation, Achievement and Recovery Coaching. Dr. Colleen Mullen, Psy.D., LMFT. Psychotherapy and Coaching in San Diego.
Do you ever look back at a relationship and think, “I thought I loved them, but now I don’t think I did.” This can be because you mistook need for love. We often “need” the person we pair up for various reasons: they meet some needs, they are familiar to us, they help support us (in various ways). It is tough to separate that “need” from love. But when we can be our own, developed, mature, autonomous persons and truly love a person, then we “need” them becuase we love them, not vice versa.
If you would like to know more about this, give me a call at (619) 702-5571 or email me through my website at CoachingThroughChaos.com Motivation, Achievement and Recovery Coaching- I specialize in helping individuals and couples have healthy relationships with themselves…and with their chosen partners.
Dr. Colleen Mullen, Psy.D., LMFT
Psychotherapy and Coaching in San Diego
So often, people complain about perpetual dating problems. They discuss all the times they go out “with the wrong guy (or girl)”. They talk about all the things they thought they saw in that person, or recall “feeling so comfortable” with them. Yes, there is something to be said about feeling comfortable with someone early in the dating relationship, but more often I have seen the benefit of “being the person you want to meet”. This means if you want someone “outdoorsy”, “successful”, “emotionally stable” or “family oriented”, you will be living your life in that way as well! When you participate in your life the way you want a potential mate to, then you will more likely meet someone with those qualities.
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: Do not focus your intentions on what you no longer want in your relationship. Focus on what you want! When all your thoughts and actions are focused on what you want, you will find that you don’t have to think about what you don’t want, because it will no longer feel comfortable.
For instance , let’s say you’re a woman who keeps dating men with “great potential” but at the time you meet them, they are struggling to hold a job. You reflect back to yourself after dating him for 6 months, how you can’t believe you’ve gotten involved with yet another man who needs you to prop him up emotionally or financially in life. You feel frustrated – as if these types of men are your destiny. On the other hand, maybe you’re a guy who keeps dating women with a lot of drama in their lives. You think to yourself,”How did I find myself int his situation again? Every time I call her, there is more drama going on! I totally didn’t want to date drama queens anymore!” Both of you have probably said to yourselves, “What’s wrong with me that I keep attracting exactly the people I don’t want?!”
If you’ve been struggling in this area, I have a 30 day intention exercise for you:
Just for 30 days focus your intentions on what qualities you want in a partner – then….each morning take a 5 minute meditation on telling yourself that you are living your life with those qualities. You essentially will be “acting as if’ you are the partner you want. It will sound something like this: “I am a confident, active, funny, family-oriented person”. (you will, of course insert whatever qualities you want). As you adopt your mindset of focusing on what you want, when you run into someone who raises your red flags, it will no longer feel tolerable and you will find it much easier to say, “You know, I’m sure you have some really good qualities, but I just don’t think we’re going to be a great match, good luck to you”.
Colleen Mullen, Psy.D., LMFT
This week, I would encourage you to focus on the little ways you can make a difference – not only in your life, but in others. Can you hold the door open for someone as your leaving? Can you call a friend you haven’t talked to in a while? Can you give a compliment to a stranger on the street? Can you drop a blanket off at your nearest homeless shelter? Have you asked your partner lately how you can better emotionally support them?
Making a difference can be done in so many ways – what will you do?
We sometimes have so many ideas, thoughts and emotions running through our heads. During our work weeks, it can be hard to find time to sort through them, to even feel them or savor them. Did you have a really great moment this week you want to hold on to? or in contrast, did you and your partner have an argument you haven’t even had time to process yet? My wish for you is to take some time for yourself this weekend to sit with your thoughts, hear them, feel them (even the difficult ones) and make decisions about what to do about them. Then, take some time to tend to yourself and your loved ones.