CoachingThroughChaos.com Motivation, Achievement and Recovery Coaching. Dr. Colleen Mullen, Psy.D., LMFT. Psychotherapy, Marital and Relationship Counseling and Life Coaching in San Diego
Archive for March, 2015
Be careful of how you use your words. Words can make or break relationships. I specialize in helping couples communicate their needs effectively and respectfully. I’d love to share this with you! Please contact me through my website CoachinThroughChaos.com Motivation, Achievement and Recovery Coaching. Dr. Colleen Mullen, Psy.,D., LMFT. Psychotherapy, Marital and Relationship Counseling and Life Coaching in San Diego.
I practice a specific type of Relationship Coaching that helps couples design their dreams together. I’d love to share with you about this. Please contact me through my website CoachingThroughChaos.com Motivation, Achievement and Recovery Coaching. Dr. Colleen Mullen, Psy.D., LMFT. Psychotherapy and Coaching in San Diego.
Do you ever look back at a relationship and think, “I thought I loved them, but now I don’t think I did.” This can be because you mistook need for love. We often “need” the person we pair up for various reasons: they meet some needs, they are familiar to us, they help support us (in various ways). It is tough to separate that “need” from love. But when we can be our own, developed, mature, autonomous persons and truly love a person, then we “need” them becuase we love them, not vice versa.
If you would like to know more about this, give me a call at (619) 702-5571 or email me through my website at CoachingThroughChaos.com Motivation, Achievement and Recovery Coaching- I specialize in helping individuals and couples have healthy relationships with themselves…and with their chosen partners.
Dr. Colleen Mullen, Psy.D., LMFT
Psychotherapy and Coaching in San Diego
I went hiking the other day at Red Rock Canyon during a weekend away visiting friends in Las Vegas. One of my favorite things to do is to go hiking by myself. It makes me feel at peace, I feel more centered, and I end up feeling like I listened to my own need for silent connection with nature.
It was while on this hike, that I got reminded that our society tells us it’s not O.K. to do things alone. Being that I am a therapist/coach by profession and I live with my husband and several animals, I rarely get time alone. This weekend away was to celebrate a friend’s birthday. I arrived in Las Vegas on Friday and met up with said friend and family. On Saturday morning I wanted to get out a do a decent-length quiet hike before all the birthday festivities began – I was looking forward to taking in the desert air and scenery. The Red Rock Canyon has a 13-mile through road which has multiple trail heads along it. I purposely went to the visitor center to find out which trails may be less populated. I was instructed to head out to Ice Box Canyon trail head about 8 miles up the road. As I drove father away from the visitor center, I did find that the parking lots at the trail heads were less populated. I was excited to think I may be heading to one where I really could feel somewhat isolated.
According to the visitor guide, the hike was to take about 2.5 hours and be of “moderate” difficulty. Sounded great to me! I had water and a charged up phone packed in my bag. I was ready to go! I was about 20 minutes into the hike when I came across a group of people who were on their way back to the trailhead. I said, “Hello”, in passing and moved out of the way for the group to get past me. One of the ladies asked me, “Are you by yourself?” When I told her I was, she let out a sympathetic, “Awwww!” I let her know I was out there alone by choice and was enjoying the quiet and continued on with my hike. About another 20 minutes pass by and I get to a section of the trail with some more difficult rocks to step/climb up and over. I ran into a party of 3 at this juncture. Again, one of the ladies in the group commented to me during a quick verbal exchange, “I wouldn’t come out here alone”. I again, assured her I actually looked forward to this experience and went about my business. It was about 10 minutes later that I came across some rocks that I did not want to venture up and over without help, so I turned around at that point and began my hike back to the starting point.
Both of these exchanges had me thinking as I hiked about our society’s attitudes about being alone. I be no means am a “loner” or even an “introvert”. In fact, I love social interaction and get plenty of it. I do however, enjoy some quiet times alone. Exercise is one of my regular ways to get that fill and when I have time, I love to find local hikes to try by myself. As a therapist, I talk frequently with my clients about finding time for themselves, often framed as “self-care” time. I explore with my clients ways in which they can take some time alone to regroup and touch base with themselves. For some, this can be finding time for a 5-minute mediation in the morning, or carving out 15 minutes during their work day to break away from all the “noise”. On bigger levels, I help them discover what their needs are for personal time alone from others and help them plan that into their life. I think people understand that concept of “me time” or even “self-care” time, but I think something shifts when people think about doing activities alone. I also enjoy beaches, coffee houses (for quiet people-watching) and movies alone, but exercise feeds a lot of my emotional and spiritual needs so I tend to engage in that more frequently. For some, the 2 hour hike I embark on may be the equivalent of getting a massage and their nails done. Which, I assume if the same woman who gave me the sympathetic “Awwww!” in passing on the trail had actually crossed my path at the massage appointment; I don’t think she would have asked me why I went there alone.
Do you listen to your need for quiet when it calls? How do you connect with yourself when you need to? Feel free to leave a comment! I’d love to hear about what you do when you need to be alone.
P.S. I recognize that hiking alone can be dangerous. Please note that I take appropriate precautions, but I try not to live my life from a fear-driven perspective. No therapists were injured in the data-collection of this blog post
CoachingThroughChaos.com Motivation, Achievement and Recovery Coaching
Psychotherapy and Coaching in San Diego, CA.
Colleen Mullen, Psy.D. LMFT