What do you Need to Succeed?

Posts tagged ‘marital satisfaction’

Silence Breaks the Heart

sticks and stones

Be careful of how you use your words.  Words can make or break relationships.  I specialize in helping couples communicate their needs effectively and respectfully.  I’d love to share this with you! Please contact me through my website CoachinThroughChaos.com Motivation, Achievement and Recovery Coaching.  Dr. Colleen Mullen, Psy.,D., LMFT. Psychotherapy, Marital and Relationship Counseling and Life Coaching in San Diego.

Relationship is an art.

Relationship is an art. The dream that(1)

I practice a specific type of Relationship Coaching that helps couples design their dreams together.  I’d love to share with you about this. Please contact me through my website CoachingThroughChaos.com Motivation, Achievement and Recovery Coaching.  Dr. Colleen Mullen, Psy.D., LMFT. Psychotherapy and Coaching in San Diego.

Do you know Mature Love?

immature love vs mature love

Do you ever look back at a relationship and think, “I thought I loved them, but now I don’t think I did.”  This can be because you mistook need for love.  We often “need” the person we pair up for various reasons: they meet some needs, they are familiar to us, they help support us (in various ways).  It is tough to separate that “need” from love.  But when we can be our own, developed, mature, autonomous persons and truly love a person, then we “need” them becuase we love them, not vice versa.

If you would like to know more about this, give me a call at (619) 702-5571 or email me through my website at CoachingThroughChaos.com  Motivation, Achievement and Recovery Coaching- I specialize in helping individuals and couples have healthy relationships with themselves…and with their chosen partners.

Dr. Colleen Mullen, Psy.D., LMFT

Psychotherapy and Coaching in San Diego

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If you’ve got this, you’re probably pretty darn content ! :)

good relaiotnship accepts past supports present and encourages future

The Yearly Tune-UP

The start of another new year always feels like we get a clean slate to “start over” or make changes we have been putting off. Everyone runs to the gym, diet product sales increase, people set “New Year’s Resolutions” that they rarely keep. I gave up on setting Jan 1 as a date I was going to change a habit a long time ago. I learned that if the window of opportunity opens to make a change, I should start it then! I encourage my clients to do the same.

Even though it feels like we get a clean slate, we don’t. So, setting aside resolutions, I like to look at the start of a new year (or the end of a year) as a time to take an inventory of where my life is. I examine all aspects of my life: my career path/goals, the quality of my marriage, how I’m maintaining (or why I am) friends and family relationships, and most importantly, how I am caring for myself. If any of these things feels out of balance, I try to attend to them to them. I look at is as my yearly tune-up. The years really do seem to start moving faster as I get older, so sometimes the yearly tune-up seems like it came on fast. This year, I know what aspects of my life need a tune-up and I’m going to address them. Some things I plan to take care of are much easier than others – that’s just part of life. Other things I’m planning will need the support of at least my husband and probably some friends to help make happen – so I guess I’ll be summoning them for support!

How do you view the passing of another year – does it mean something significant for you? Do you have any life rituals you participate in? Anything you feel needs a tune-up in your life? I’d love to hear about it.

difference between who you are & who you want to be is what you do

Want more relationship satisfaction? Avoid “The Four Horsemen”!

Dr. John Gottman’s research on relationships has lead to his uncovering of 4 predictable relationship killers – he coined them “The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse”.  They are Criticism, Defensiveness, Stonewalling & Contempt. This animated video was recently released by The Gottman Institute to explain how the Four Horsemen can really spell trouble for your relationship.

If you’d like to know more, I practice Gottman Method Couples Therapy and would be happy to teach you some more effective ways of communicating with your partner.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1o30Ps-_8is&feature=youtu.begottman watching 4 horseman cartoon

picture credit: The Gottman Institute

Dating After the Wedding for a Happier Marriage

8839468-i-love-you-hdWhen you’ve been married a few years, relationships definitely change. Whether it is work life, bills, goals, kids & tight schedules, a toll gets taken on the relationship. Stress can cause all sorts of problems ranging from communication obstacles, weight struggles, and loss of sense of self. Even positive relationships need work to maintain them and keep a couple focused on the actual relationship verses being focused on their life.

It’s important to “date” your spouse no matter how long you’ve been together. The 7 -year- itch does truly exist, so it’s especially good to be mindful of the self-care of the marriage when it starts getting up in years.

Very often, couples get into routines with each other and if they have kids, they can often lose sight of themselves as a romantic pair altogether. They spend so much time with their ‘parent hat’ on, they can easily forget that they need to put their ‘partner hat’ back on every once in a while. When the partnership gets tended to, the relationship feels balanced. People in general, report higher rates of self-satisfaction when they feel loved and cared for. When people are in regular scheduled routines of behavior, they often lose sight of the benefits affectionate love can have on them. When you get a couple to take a break from their everyday routine to take time to focus solely on themselves as a couple, they report higher rates of emotional satisfaction in their relationship.

Some Date Night Suggestions:.

  • The couple can set up rules of conversation around their date. For instance – Once they leave the house, there will be no discussion of kids, schedules, or problems they might be having. This keeps the focus on connecting with each other.
  • They can do a “Q & A” over dinner – asking each other questions about their lives to stay connected : “what would be your dream vacation?” , “who would you say is your current best friend & why?”, “what was the funniest story you heard lately?”
  • They can schedule a regular “Date Night” or even a night away from home monthly to keep them looking forward to their “alone time”.
  • Pick a new place to go on each date, to keep it interesting.
  • Take turns with your partner planning the date