Dr. John Gottman’s research on relationships has lead to his uncovering of 4 predictable relationship killers – he coined them “The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse”. They are Criticism, Defensiveness, Stonewalling & Contempt. This animated video was recently released by The Gottman Institute to explain how the Four Horsemen can really spell trouble for your relationship.
If you’d like to know more, I practice Gottman Method Couples Therapy and would be happy to teach you some more effective ways of communicating with your partner.
picture credit: The Gottman Institute
I hear so many stories of misunderstandings or feelings of contempt in couples due to “over-thinking”. The old saying “Sometimes less is more” rings appropriate in these situations. Have a good weekend….& don’t think too much 😉
1. Identify the problem.
2. Speak with a purpose. Think before you speak.
What is the point you are trying to make?
3. State your viewpoint clearly and concisely.
4. Keep your tone calm. Two (or more) persons speaking loudly in order to be “heard” are rarely listened to.
5. Be gracious no matter what the outcome. It is alright to agree to disagree. Conflicts are not contests, the goal is not to win, it is to resolve a problem.